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Kristaps Porzingis Too Tall: Phil Jackson

Kristaps Porzingis Too Tall: Phil Jackson

“Rounding third is Alvarez — the throw home — up the third base line — Pirates win! Pirates win! Raise the Jolly Roger!!!” God, sound asleep at his desk missed Pittsburgh’s walk off win flickering on his old 19″ Philco. But he wouldn’t be asleep for long because the Devil had other plans. The master […]

Knicks Can’t Draw Top Free Agents

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Knicks Can’t Draw Top Free Agents

God, his hands clasped behind his flowing white robe paced back and forth in his simple, non nondescript office. He stopped suddenly and looked up at a large gold framed picture of a beaming Phil Jackson. “I can create Heaven and Hell and everything in between,” he bellowed. “I can get a stiff like Adam […]

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NBA Draft: Rumblings From Heaven

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NBA Draft: Rumblings From Heaven

God, a Knicks fan kept slapping the side of his old desktop monitor but it continued to flicker. “Dammit Evelyn! When are those geeks going to fix this damn thing?” Outside of his office sat his assistant, former JFK secretary Evelyn Lincoln. Her mind was elsewhere as she thumbed through a stack of files. “Maybe […]

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The Knicks Take an Uppercut

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The Knicks Take an Uppercut

God, wearing his flowing white robe kicked his sandals upon his simple Ikea desk and leaned back contentedly in his creaky chair. He was in an unusually good mood considering the biker shootout in Waco, Texas a couple of days before. He called his assistant, Evelyn Lincoln on his 1960’s intercom. “Evelyn, let me know […]

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The Devil & Isiah Thomas

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The Devil & Isiah Thomas

It was a slow day down in Hell so the Devil figured he’d treat his buddy Al Capone to one of his favorite movies – “Titanic” with Leonardo DeCaprio and Kate Winslet. The big ship was going down and the two lovers were kissing one last time. “Sorry boss, but this scene always gets me,” […]

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Phil Jackson & the Basketball Gods

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Phil Jackson & the Basketball Gods

God, in his long, brilliant white Sunday robe tapped the keys on his IPad as he strolled along the dirt path around Pearly Gates Lake. He was so engrossed in a Twitter message that he didn’t notice the two souls dressed in colorful 18th century garb passing the other way. “Good morning Lord,” said Thomas […]

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Knicks Owner James Dolan Even Baffles God

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Knicks Owner James Dolan Even Baffles God

God, sitting at the pool shook his head in disgust as he read the NBA section of┬áHeaven Today. “What a pair,” he mumbled. He couldn’t believe how the owner of an NBA team could be so callous. He turned to the party a few feet away. “Hey Wilt, come on over and join me.” The […]

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Phil Jackson: The Triangle’s Not Working

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Phil Jackson: The Triangle’s Not Working

“So far, my experiment has fallen flat on its face.” That’s what Knicks president Phil Jackson told The New York Times in an interview earlier this week. Pretty obvious stuff with the Knicks in the Atlantic Division outhouse at 10-39. But is the team’s disastrous season the result of a system the players can’t grasp […]

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The Knicks Get Some Good Advice

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The Knicks Get Some Good Advice

The 25 footer ticked off the back of the rim and dropped straight through. “Now let’s see that drive to the hoop Dave!” yelled God from his courtside seat. The man in the blue Knicks uniform with number 22 on the back put his head down and drove like a bull down the lane and […]

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Knicks Awful Again…Set Franchise Record

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Knicks Awful Again…Set Franchise Record

The New York Knicks have had some incredibly bad teams (and plenty of God-awful players) during their 69-year history but none had ever lost 13 straight — until last night’s 101-91 loss to the Washington Wizards. Knicks coach Derek Fisher: “This franchise has been around long before I was even born, so we can’t carry […]

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