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The Devil Gets New Tenant: Aaron Hernandez

The Devil Gets New Tenant: Aaron Hernandez

Wednesday in Hell was a special day for the Devil. It started out as usual. He turned on FOX expecting to watch his favorite daytime personality, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer bumble, stumble and lie his way through another press briefing. But then came the news: Former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez […]

Kristaps Porzingis Too Tall: Phil Jackson

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Kristaps Porzingis Too Tall: Phil Jackson

“Rounding third is Alvarez — the throw home — up the third base line — Pirates win! Pirates win! Raise the Jolly Roger!!!” God, sound asleep at his desk missed Pittsburgh’s walk off win flickering on his old 19″ Philco. But he wouldn’t be asleep for long because the Devil had other plans. The master […]

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God, the Devil & Geno Smith

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God, the Devil & Geno Smith

God stood up and pounded his fist on his desk. “Sacrilege! This Colonel Sanders is an insult to the chicken world!” His secretary Evelyn Lincoln buzzed him. “Everything OK in there pops?” she asked in her nasally voice. Just then the Devil whisked past her and into God’s office. “Did you see this joker?” asked […]

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Knicks Can’t Draw Top Free Agents

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Knicks Can’t Draw Top Free Agents

God, his hands clasped behind his flowing white robe paced back and forth in his simple, non nondescript office. He stopped suddenly and looked up at a large gold framed picture of a beaming Phil Jackson. “I can create Heaven and Hell and everything in between,” he bellowed. “I can get a stiff like Adam […]

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NBA Draft: Rumblings From Heaven

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NBA Draft: Rumblings From Heaven

God, a Knicks fan kept slapping the side of his old desktop monitor but it continued to flicker. “Dammit Evelyn! When are those geeks going to fix this damn thing?” Outside of his office sat his assistant, former JFK secretary Evelyn Lincoln. Her mind was elsewhere as she thumbed through a stack of files. “Maybe […]

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Stan Wavrinka & His Ugly Shorts

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Stan Wavrinka & His Ugly Shorts

There they were, the two most powerful beings in the universe standing side by side, arms folded, watching a game of tennis doubles at Heavens Court. This particular match had Arthur Ashe and JFK facing Ulysses S. Grant and the late The Match Game host Gene Rayburn. Ashe had just aced a serve, the ball whistling […]

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Cavaliers NBA champs?

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Cavaliers NBA champs?

The news was grim. Harvey Pekar, the lovable loser from Cleveland had cancer. Then came a feeble knock on the door and God put the movie on pause. “Otto, great to see you again,” said God as he shook the old man’s hand. “Please come in.” God and the late, great Cleveland Browns quarterback Otto Graham pulled […]

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The Knicks Take an Uppercut

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The Knicks Take an Uppercut

God, wearing his flowing white robe kicked his sandals upon his simple Ikea desk and leaned back contentedly in his creaky chair. He was in an unusually good mood considering the biker shootout in Waco, Texas a couple of days before. He called his assistant, Evelyn Lincoln on his 1960’s intercom. “Evelyn, let me know […]

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The Devil & Isiah Thomas

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The Devil & Isiah Thomas

It was a slow day down in Hell so the Devil figured he’d treat his buddy Al Capone to one of his favorite movies – “Titanic” with Leonardo DeCaprio and Kate Winslet. The big ship was going down and the two lovers were kissing one last time. “Sorry boss, but this scene always gets me,” […]

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The Devil’s Big Plan for A-Rod

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The Devil’s Big Plan for A-Rod

Monday morning is the day God and the Devil take a break from their worldly battles to rehash what went on in the world of sports over the weekend. God pounded on Satan’s office door but the music was so loud – Abba’s “The Winner Take All” – that the Devil himself didn’t realize he […]

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