Kristaps Porzingis Too Tall: Phil Jackson

Filed under: God & the Knicks,God Talks Back |

“Rounding third is Alvarez — the throw home — up the third base line — Pirates win! Pirates win! Raise the Jolly Roger!!!”

God, sound asleep at his desk missed Pittsburgh’s walk off win flickering on his old 19″ Philco. But he wouldn’t be asleep for long because the Devil had other plans. The master of evil, wearing his green Boston Celtics jersey tip toed past God’s assistant Evelyn Lincoln and quietly shut the door behind him. He gently lifted a small orange Nerf ball off a chair and gently tossed it hitting God in his forehead. The Lord rubbed his eyes and squinted. “You really think I didn’t see you sneaking in here Devil?” he grumbled.

“Ha! Now way G-Man. What’s wrong, baseball too boring for ‘ya?”

“Just resting my eyes,” said God. “That Trump character down there gives me a helluva migraine.”


God Can’t Wait for Hoops

“Just waiting for you to give me the nod ‘G’. I got just the place for him downstairs right next to Nixon and Boss Tweed.”

God picked the Nerf ball off the floor, gave it close look and shoved into his desk drawer. “Can’t wait for b-ball Devil. MSG on Opening Night. Nothing like it.”

“The Hawks’ll kill ’em. 0-2 and it’s all over.”

“Yeah, who am I kidding,” said the master of the universe as he strolled over to the window. He peeked through the blinds down below at two guys shooting hoops. “That Nate Bowman’s been with us since ’84 and he still has the touch of a jack hammer.”

Nate Bowman Still Can't Shoot

Nate Bowman Still Can’t Shoot

He stroked his white beard and sat back down. “Anyhoo, I think Phil made a wise choice with that skinny kid from Latvia.”

The Devil choked and coughed. “Yeah, Kristaps Porzingis — their first top five lottery pick in 29 years — and Jackson’s already dumpin’ on him.”–too-tall-for-the-game-154304569.html

Phil Jackson & Kristaps Porzingis (Getty)

Phil Jackson & Kristaps Porzingis (Getty)

He read out loud Jackson’s quote in the sports section of “Heavenly News”…

‘Like Shawn Bradley, who was nevertheless a pretty good player, KP might almost be too tall for the game. What I mean is that his core strength might never be good enough, and that he might not be able to get low enough to get himself into prime defensive position to body power rebounders or drivers.’ “Too tall? Ha! Didn’t he know that before he drafted him? Who’s doing his scouting — Ray Charles? Duh!”

“Hey,” said God. “Shawn Bradley was a pretty serviceable player. Had the legs of a racehorse,” said God.

“Yeah, he sure did. Shot like one also.”

“Well, Phil said he needs to put on some muscle.  They’ll cook him up plenty of Sklandrausis in training camp and he’ll be good to go.”

God’s unsure look betrayed his words of confidence and the two locked eyes for several seconds before the Devil stood up and made his way to the door. “Big man,” said Satan, “something tells me you guys are stuck with another Latka Gravas.”

Latka Gravas - Probably a Better Pick Than Porzingis

Latka Gravas – Probably a Better Pick Than Porzingis


Posted by on August 26, 2015. Filed under God & the Knicks, God Talks Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.