NBA Draft: Rumblings From Heaven

Filed under: God & the Knicks,God Talks Back |

God, a Knicks fan kept slapping the side of his old desktop monitor but it continued to flicker. “Dammit Evelyn! When are those geeks going to fix this damn thing?” Outside of his office sat his assistant, former JFK secretary Evelyn Lincoln. Her mind was elsewhere as she thumbed through a stack of files.

“Maybe when the Knicks win the championship Father.” The mid 90’s monitor finally stabilized.

“There we go,” said the Lord with a wide grin. “Now, what do we have here.” He scanned the Knicks top picks over the past 21 years and turned as white as his long flowing robe. “Man, I’d have a better chance of getting the Confederate flag taken down in Alabama than these knuckleheads have drafting a real baller.”


God hopes for a Knicks miracle in NBA Draft

With rare exception, the list was a who’s- who of laughable losers:

1994 1 26 Charlie Ward  United States PG Florida State
1996 1 18 John Wallace  United States SF Syracuse
1996 1 19 Walter McCarty  United States PF Kentucky
1996 1 21 Dontae’ Jones  United States PF Mississippi State
1997 1 25 John Thomas  United States C Minnesota
1998 2 38 DeMarco Johnson  United States PF UNC Charlotte
1998 2 44 Sean Marks  New Zealand F/C California
1999 1 15 Frédéric Weis#  France C CSP Limoges (France)
1999 2 46 J. R. Koch  United States F Iowa
2000 1 22 Donnell Harvey  United States SF Florida
2000 2 39 Lavor Postell  United States SG St. John’s
2001 2 38 Michael Wright  United States PF Arizona
2001 2 42 Eric Chenowith  United States C Kansas
2002 1 7 Nenê  Brazil PF/C Vasco da Gama (Brazil)
2002 2 36 Miloš Vujanić  Serbia and Montenegro PG KK Partizan (Serbia)
2003 1 9 Michael Sweetney  United States PF Georgetown
2003 2 30 Maciej Lampe  Poland F/C Real Madrid (Spain)
2003 2 39 Slavko Vraneš  Serbia and Montenegro C Budućnost Podgorica(Montenegro)
2004 2 44 Trevor Ariza  United States SF UCLA
2005 1 8 Channing Frye  United States PF/C Arizona
2005 1 30 David Lee+  United States PF/C Florida
2005 2 54 Dijon Thompson  United States SG/SF UCLA
2006 1 20 Renaldo Balkman  United States SF/PF South Carolina
2006 1 29 Mardy Collins  United States PG/SG Temple
2007 1 23 Wilson Chandler  United States SF DePaul
2008 1 6 Danilo Gallinari  Italy SF Olimpia Milano (Italy)
2009 1 8 Jordan Hill  United States PF Arizona
2010 2 38 Andy Rautins  Canada SG Syracuse
2010 2 39 Landry Fields  United States SG Stanford
2011 1 17 Iman Shumpert  United States SG/PG Georgia Tech
2012 2 48 Kostas Papanikolaou  Greece PF Olympiacos (Greece)
2013 1 24 Tim Hardaway, Jr.  United States G University of Michigan
2014 2 34 Cleanthony Early  United States SF Wichita State University
2014 2 51 Thanasis Antetokounmpo  Greece SF Delaware 87ers (D-League)


God tossed his pen on his desk, leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “Jeez, those foreign stiffs were a killer,” he mumbled. “I haven’t seen a group that bad since “Night of the Living Dead. And they’re thinking of taking that Porzingis kid from Latvia yet.” Lincoln buzzed him.

Knicks picks have been  zombies

Knicks picks have been zombies

“Devil on line three Father.”

The Lord ripped the receiver off the black rotary phone. “I beg you Devil, please, pleeeese take the night off. Let them have one good draft! Go get a pizza in Sheepshead Bay or something.” Satan, sitting in the nosebleed section of the quiet Barclays Center nonchalantly filed his nails. On his lap was a scouting report with a name circled in red – Rakeem Christmas, a shooting guard from Syracuse ranked 50th by ESPN.

“G-Man, do I have the perfect player for your Knicks.”

Rakeem Christmas

Rakeem Christmas


Posted by on June 25, 2015. Filed under God & the Knicks, God Talks Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.