God Can’t Believe Aaron Rodgers

Filed under: God Talks Back,NFL |

God leaned over for a closer look at the computer screen and then laughed so loud the small group gathered in the garden gazebo stopped what they were doing and looked up.

“Must be looking at Phil Jackson’s roster,” mumbled Red Holtzman, the Knicks’ late Hall of Fame head coach.

What God found so funny was a quote by Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers after their gut wrenching loss to the Seattle Seahawks in the NFC Championship game. The master of the universe stepped over to the open window and his eyes opened wide when he saw what was going on down below. “Hey Devil, don’t fraternize! And leave Richard Nixon alone — you had your chance in ’94. Now get up here you knucklehead– ‘ya gotta check this out!”

Aaron Rodgers

Packers QB Aaron Rodgers (Leon Halip/Getty Images)

In a flash Satan was hunched over God’s computer monitor, his thin wire framed glasses hanging on the tip of his ugly red nose. He read the quote by Aaron Rodgers out loud. 

“I don’t think God cares a whole lot about the outcome. He cares about the people involved, but I don’t think he’s a big football fan.”

“Damn, G-ster, he actually said that?”


God adjusted his long white robe and leaned back in his chair. Satan slowly sat down across from him. “It looks like some of them are starting to get it,” said the master evildoer.

“Some, maybe. But check out what Russell Wilson said.” God snapped his fingers and up popped a quote from Wilson.

“Ya know,” said Satan, “you didn’t save any time doing that. You could’ve just hit the enter key.”

“Force of habit, Devil. Just read.”

He read Wilson’s quote out loud as well.

“That’s God setting it up, to make it so dramatic, so rewarding, so special. I’ve been through a lot in life, and had some ups and downs. It’s what’s led me to this day.”

“Still giving you all the credit, huh. Hell-ooo Mr. Wilson, maybe yours truly had some say in the matter!”


Richard Nixon is still as stiff as ever

God stood up and walked back over to the open window. There was Nixon, all by himself in his suit and tie pacing along the water. The Lord shook his head. “Man, he never loosens up, does he. Dead 26 years and he won’t even loosen his tie. I’ll have to ask Freud to give him another look. Well, anyway — yeah, guys like Wilson, and Tebow, and Warner and the whole rest of them will never change. They’ll always give me the credit when things go great but their pie holes shut up real tight when things go bad. Like I don’t have more important things to worry about. ”

The Devil, filing his long nails, nodded. “And they never give me any credit when they screw up. ‘Thanks a lot for making me drop that fly ball in the bottom of the ninth…’ ‘thank you Satan for letting me get hit in the face with a line drive…’ ‘thanks Devil for making me blow that onside kick…’ Well, we’ll see what Wilson has to say when the Pats deflate the balls in the Super Bowl.”


Posted by on January 21, 2015. Filed under God Talks Back, NFL. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.