Mikhail Prokhorov To Sell Nets & God Isn’t Happy

Filed under: God & the Nets,God Talks Back |

“Sadie Johnson — come on down!” The fat lady screamed in joy as she stumbled her way to the stage. When she got there she gave host Bob Barker a big hug as the crowd went wild.

Bob Barker

Bob Barker on “The Price Is Right”

The Devil was in his den watching a vintage rerun of “The Price Is Right” and decided to call God. “What’ya doin’ their big guy? Rob Konrad? Oh please, get over yourself. Face it– you lucked out. I had 13 hammerheads chasing him for 16 hours…Yeah right, just missed. I’m the Dez Bryant of Hell. Good one.” He looked at his watch. “OK, but I can’t stay long. I have to be in Syria by three.”

In a blinding flash the master of evil was upstairs peeking out of a window in God’s simple office.

“Charlie Chaplin’s gone,” said the Lord. “He’s at the Rathskeller playing foosball with Clark Gable.”

Charlie Chaplin

Charlie Chaplin: Off to play foosball with Clark Gable

“Good,” said Satan. “He scared the crap out of me yesterday.”

(See Rex Ryan Makes a Deal With the Devil: http://wp.me/p1K8Fz-2MQ)

He plopped down into a worn leather recliner by the window. “Well, it looks like the price is right for Mikhail Prokhorov. He’s looking to sell the Nets.”

Mikhail Prokhorov

Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov will sell team and God’s not happy

“I saw that,” said God. “He’s one shrewd character. But I suppose even a guy who’s worth $11 billion can’t take dropping some change. Shame — I was hoping he was in it for the long haul. They survived all those years in Jersey only to be left holding the bag. I guess trees grow in Brooklyn instead of Nets.”

God

God isn’t happy

The Devil’s red eyes teared up. “Ah, Jersey. Miserable attendance and players like John Bagley and Roy Hinson… Benoit Benjamin and Kerry Kittles.” God handed him a Kleenex and the Devil blew his nose. “And that cold, ugly, soulless arena in the Meadowlands. Those were the days G-Man…those were the days.”

“I’m the one who should be crying, Devil! All the work I put in getting those clueless idiots to sell the Nets and now the Ruskie bails. Some five-year plan. Let him go back to Mother Russia and deal with Putin.”

The Devil looked up with hope in his glimmering in his eyes. “Wait a minute. Why am I miserable? I should be happy!” He got up and with his ugly red claws clasped behind his back paced. “Oh baby, this is great! Prokhorov sells to some schnook who doesn’t know squat about the game and wants to cut corners — attendance drops, aforementioned new owner guts the whole operation and voila! They’re back to the days of Pearl Washington!”

“You see their record? They’re almost as bad right now.” God reached into a mini fridge behind his desk and took out a box. “Angel food cake?”

“The hell with that — I got work to do.” Satan clapped his claws and vanished in a puff of smoke.

So there was God, all alone with a big piece of his favorite dessert in front of him. He put down his fork and snapped his fingers. The 19″ black and white Zenith came on and there was Bill Paultz defending Marvin “Bad News” Barnes. “No Devil,” he mumbled. “Those were the days.”

Billy Paultz

Billy Paultz

 

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Posted by on January 13, 2015. Filed under God & the Nets, God Talks Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.