Woody Johnson Goes Snipe Hunting In Seattle

Filed under: God & the Jets,God Talks Back |
The Devil

The Devil and Rasputin are working together to help Woody Johnson find a new coach

Ring, ring…..The Devil, face down on his desk cringed in agony. “I’m never mixing Jack and Absinthe again.” He picked up. “What? God, can’t you let me be? Alright, I’ll be right up.” In a blazing flash he disappeared and reemerged — in God’s simple, cramped office sitting right across from him. The Lord leaned over and offered his tormented visitor a piece of licorice. Satan shook his head. “That was some New Year’s Eve bash up here G-Man. I never felt this bad.” He paused and reconsidered. “Except maybe when the Jets won in ’69.”

God laughed. “Yeah, that Idi Amin can really get down. By the way, no more free passes for those losers of yours.

Idi Amin

Idi Amin — the life of the party on New Year’s Eve

Devil, word on the street has it that you and Rasputin are teaming up on the Jets again.”


“Yeah, I’ve been a little busy in Indonesia the last week or two. I figured I’d let Raspy help Woody pick a new coach and GM.”


Rasputin — advisor to the Czar and the NY Jets

“Don’t you think Johnson could screw it up on his own?” He chuckled. “I mean, c’mon!”

Woody Johnson

Master Fumbler Woody Johnson

Satan got up and paced. “‘Ya never know. Look at Idzik — even that bean counter came up with Sheldon Richardson. What would happen if I just sat back and let you take over? Before you know it they’ll be going 12-4 every year and…and…man, my boy Belichick would actually have competition in the division. And I don’t even wanna think about ‘Broadway Joe’ and his ridiculous mink coat in another ticker tape.”

God picked up the Buffalo News. “So you two are going to let Woody sign Doug Marrone?”

Doug Marrone

Doug Marrone — mediocre coach — a perfect fit for Woody Johnson?

The master evildoer sat down and leaned over and looked God right in the eye. “He’s never won anywhere. He upped and left his team. He’s self-centered and the players didn’t like him. What more can you ask for?”

God rubbed his chin and nodded. “You make a good point. So what’s this all about — Woody going to Seattle to interview¬†Trent Kirchner, Dan Quinn and Tom Cable?”

The Devil leaned back and kicked his ugly red feet up on God’s desk. “Snipe hunt, that’s all. Woody and his suits will run around in the fresh air, drink lots of Starbucks and feel like they’re doing something important. Hey, what did he end up with the last time he went to Seattle?”


Posted by on January 2, 2015. Filed under God & the Jets, God Talks Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.