“Tom Coughlin – It’s Time to Retire”: God

Filed under: God & the Giants,God Talks Back,NFL |
ben_hogan

Ben Hogan

“Nice shot Bantam Ben,” yelled God in his booming voice as Ben Hogan tapped in a two foot putt.

“Oh thanks G – just giving Payne Stewart over here some short game pointers.”

God chuckled. “I gotta get Tiger Woods up here in Heaven soon — his golf game already went to hell!”

God talks football with Bill Walsh

God talks football with Bill Walsh

Hogan and Stewart doubled over in laughter.

“Say, guys — have you seen Bill Walsh?” Both men shook their heads no. “OK, no problem. Carry on!” With a snap of his fingers God and Bill Walsh, the late, great San Francisco 49ers head coach were seated in God’s simple office — a desk, a chair and a lamp.

Bill Walsh SF 49ers

Bill Walsh SF 49ers

“Bill, I wanted to get your take on Tom Coughlin.” God leaned back and kicked his feet up on his desk. “You coached the 49ers to three Super Bowl wins and had only three losing seasons in the ten you were there. Pretty solid stuff.” He popped a stick of Juicy Fruit gum into his mouth and offered Walsh a piece. The coach politely declined. “Oh, the teeth thing,” said the master of the universe. “Ha! It usually takes folks a couple of decades to realize they can’t get cavities anymore. Anyway, I digress. I think it’s time for Father Tom to give in to Father Time.”

NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin

NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin

Walsh rubbed his face. “Tough call there God. He’s still respected by the players and he won those two championships.”

“True, but in all the other years he didn’t do squat.” God snapped his fingers and a thick ream of football stats instantly appeared in his hand. “Hm. Eleven seasons with the Giants, three straight seasons without a playoff berth, five out of the last six…no playoff wins in the three seasons they did make the playoffs but didn’t go to the Super Bowl. Feast or famine. And for the most part its been skin and bones. Let’s face it — he’s 68. You were 58 when you left the 49ers. You knew when to get out.”

“He still has the fire though,” said Walsh.

“Fire, shmire,” replied God with a wave. “Whatever’s still burning inside him isn’t catching on with the players. And forget the injury routine. Like you coaches say, “ya gotta play through the injuries.’ No, I think it’s time.”

Walsh looked at his watch and realized he was running late. “Say, I promised Lombardi I’d join him in his game of touch at two.”

“You guys can never give up the coaching bug.”

“Who said anything about coaching?” Walsh leaped high into the air and caught an imaginary football. “Tight end God, just like at San Jose State.”

Bill Walsh San Jose State (Courtesy San Jose State)

Bill Walsh San Jose State (Courtesy San Jose State)

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Posted by on December 9, 2014. Filed under God & the Giants, God Talks Back, NFL. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.