God and Casey Stengel Talk Mets

Filed under: God & the Mets,God Talks Back |

“Dutch! Long time no see,” Said God. “Please — pull up a chair.”

The legendary Casey Stengel winked and sat down. God looked at the faded picture of Stengel in his hand and then back up at the man known to millions through the years as “The Old Perfessor.”

“Wow, you really were young once.”

casey_stengel_1915_dodgers

Casey Stengel with the Dodgers in 1915

“Oh, just a stage I went through,” said Stengel.

“And I remember that you wanted to be a dentist.”

“Got that right Lord. Western Dental College. Too tough though. Couldn’t find me enough left-handed instruments.”

“Well I’ll tell ‘ya Casey, getting your Mets to win anything is harder than pulling teeth. Even for me. Oh how I’ve tried. High draft picks, promising kids like Jose Reyes, David Wright, Matt Harvey, Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry. Big name guys like Frank Viola, Eddie Murray, Carlos Beltran — even that Japanese infielder — Kaz…” God snapped his fingers and it came to him. “Matsui. Kaz Matsui. But they always find a way to ball up the works”

darryl_strawberry_mets

Darryl Strawberry homers vs. Astros in 1986 NLCS

“We had two youngsters back in ’65, Ed Kranepool and Greg Goosen,” said Stengel. God leaned back in his creaky chair bracing himself for a story he heard from him thousands of times before. Casey continued. “I was talkin’ to some reporters and I say ‘See that fellow over there? He’s 20 years old. In 10 years he has a chance to be a star. Now, that fellow over there, he’s 20, too. In 10 years he has a chance to be 30.'”

ed_kranepool_mets

Ed Kranepool

greg_goosen_mets

Greg Goosen eventually turned 30

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God laughed like he never heard the story before. “And from what I recall that Goosen kid really did turn 30!

“Sure did. He was really somethin’.”

“Speaking about Matt Harvey…”

Casey interrupted. “That Matt Harvey kid’s 25 and in ten years he’s got a shot at 35. Great fastball, really has some kick. I love that number 33 he wears – Ray Sadeki’s old number. ‘Never had Ray with me but boy that kid could really fool ‘ya with that breaking ball. ‘Ol Red Schoendienst had him for a number of years.”

God’s eyes glazed over as he strummed his fingers on his desk. “What was I saying Casey…oh yeah, Matt Harvey. I blew out his elbow because he was getting a fat head. But I gotta admit — he’s worked though it pretty well. Even doing some nice PR with Mr. Met. But ya know what Case? Those Mets knuckleheads have Harvey throwing six days a week in 35+ degree weather at CitiField. What the hell’s wrong with those clowns? Can’t they send him down to Port St. Lucie where it’s warm? ”

matt_harvey_ny_mets

Matt Harvey and Mr. Met giving away coats (John Munson)

Stengel tossed back a mouthful of sunflower seeds and munched away as he spoke spewing shells all over the place. “There was this fella the Pirates had,” said Stengel. “Harvey Haddix. Little guy uglier than sin. But he’d fool ‘ya. Threw 12 perfect innings against the Braves in ’59 and lost. Never seen nothin’ like it.”

The master of the universe got up and peeked through the Venetian blinds. He squinted at the site of Cy Young throwing batting practice to Babe Ruth. Former Japanese Prime Minister Tojo was having a hard time shagging all the fly balls in the outfield.

Japanese Prime Minister Tojo

Japanese Prime Minister Tojo during WW II

“Boy they really do love American baseball.” God sat back down. “Dutch, I’m gonna let this Matt Harvey thing play out the way the Mets want it to. They’re toying with the idea of maybe giving him a mid-season break. Not a bad move. A lot smarter than working the poor guy to death like they did to Johan Santana. And ‘ya know what else?”

Casey was busy mumbling to himself.

“I’m moving in the fences. Hell, I know the Mets can’t hit for squat. Might as well make those cheap bastards feel like they’re moving in the right direction.” God and Casey stood up and shook. “Perfessor — always a pleasure.”

As Casey Stengel hobbled out of his office God press the intercom. “Evelyn, when is Bernie Madoff expected to arrive?”

“The Devil has his itinerary God.”

“Oh, that’s right. Thanks anyway.”

Shortlink:

Posted by on December 8, 2014. Filed under God & the Mets, God Talks Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.